We’re losing the men
It seems we’ve lost touch with so much of what makes being a man awesome.
✘ Brotherhood
✘ Stability
✘ Tolerance
And these are just a few of my chief concerns.
We’ve even started to wonder if maybe there really is something toxic about masculinity.
This has alienated men in a world where we all feel isolated enough. It’s driven many men in the wrong direction, embracing a kind of middle-finger stance to the world.
Some of us have started to believe we’re victims. Heck. I’m guilty of this one myself.
This is good for nobody. None of us wants this, not really.
It’s time we do something about it.
It’s possible to be both sympathetic to the frustrations felt toward men, and to be a part of redefining manhood in an evolving world without making it weird to do so.
It’s possible to not feel isolated or like we’re unfixably broken.
Introducing Tolomen
A weekly, therapy-free men’s group for men skeptical of traditional men’s groups.
Tolomen
We are a brotherhood discussing what masculinity means in this modern world.
We’re focused on evolving our definitions of masculinity, one where masculinity does not mean social misfit.
We teach other men by both sharing our personal experiences and by reflecting back what we hear when other men share.
We believe that the first step toward love is tolerance.
Sometimes this means tolerating others, sometimes ideas, and more often than is obvious, it means tolerating all of our own “selves.”
Foundational Principles
I. Presence
Presence is central to our conversations. It's a state deeper than default mental chatter, where valuable moments emerge.We create space for authentic, generative dialogue that goes beyond surface-level interactions.
II. Charity
As the clearest and most actionable form of tolerance, the principle of charity does so much heavy lifting.This principle states that we approach each other with fundamental respect, assuming the best intentions. We listen to understand, suspend immediate judgment, and engage even the most aversive opinions with tireless curiosity.
III. Curiosity
Leading with a What question is the simplest way into curiosity.It’s also the fastest way out of the desire to oppose an idea. (e.g. What brought you to see things this way?) Curiosity might not always lead directly to understanding, but it can lead to tolerance.